On Prayer

Yesterday I found out I was offered a grant-in-aid for the next academic year; I had no expectations when I applied, except that I wasn't expecting to hear so soon.  The letter was a huge relief, because I: A) won't have to work next year to cover tuition (as opposed to my current assistantship), B) am now one step further to living in Nashville with Patrick once we're married, and C) wasn't too excited about withdrawing massive loans for something I feel differently about every day.

A) and B) are wonderful logistically, while C) is wonderful spiritually.

Because it's very difficult to maintain a clear, discerned decision when you're constantly chasing your own emotions about it.  So naturally when I read the letter my heart sighed a big thank you, Jesus, for answering my prayer.  But then my mind said: did you even pray for that?

Eh, yes and no.  Mostly no, I realized.  I don't think I ever spent a moment directly addressing Him, much less persisting daily to say please, if You want me in this career path, make it clear.  Instead whenever I worried about next year I kindof half-thought to myself, I guess I'll wait and see how things work out, I guess God'll show me...right?  Which makes me realize that God can do wonders with our meekest of prayers.  Mine was much more a half-hearted muttering than a confident request with my eyes toward Heaven.  I am grateful that God is like the mother who just reads your face, instantly identifies your sickness, and brings you a cup of tea.  He took perfect care of me and I hardly had to ask.